EMOTIONAL DAMAGE™ — Deluxe Edition

You’ve been through it.
You’ve cried in parking lots, astral projected mid-panic, and trauma-bonded with the moon.
Now you can own the one thing nobody asked for but everyone has:
Emotional Damage™.

You will receive:

🩹 A digital certificate confirming you carry certified cosmic wounds.
🫀 The honor of being “that person” in your friend group.
🧠 Validation for overthinking everything since 1998.

No healing included. No advice. No “have you tried yoga?” Just a receipt for the shit you already survived.

> Disclaimer: This item is symbolic. If you relate too hard, you’re allowed to cry, but not allowed to sue.
Certificate sent via email or WhatsApp. Display it proudly next to your childhood trauma.

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